December 5th, 2003


So here is the thing. I havent checked this in, oh 4 days and its swamped. You people are crazy

I took a 20 minute nap and had an hr long dream about josh

I called Colleen to have the same talk for the third time, and its no surprise it got us nowhere. But I still really really like him. It's actually gotten worse. A lot worse. He is so cute... but anywho. We get off the phone and she has just told me that she feels like I stabbed her in the back even though she doesn't think that. And I can't stop smiling! And this makes me feel sick. But I mean, she said that while she was in the tech room Mr Cappello was talking about what a cute couple we are. And also some girl asked her what was going on between the two of us. Here is what I don't understand, where are they getting this? We spend no time together, and the time we do spend together, is in a room EDITING! come on people. But I mean the fact that you say so isnt putting a huge smile on my face while giving me butterflies... oh wait Colleen, now I feel like Im going to vomit again.

They always say you dont know if someone has character until theres an event to show it. Well I have no character apparently becuase I want to be selfish. I want to be selfish sooo bad. I never like guys, im soo picky, and he might actually like me, in 16 years thats happened once! ONCE! And she has nooo chance, not being mean, but she doesnt even tlak to him, she doesnt even know him. And I'm a terrible person but then i think that her frienship is clearly more important, and i dont want to give that up, but what if he did like me? Hes so cute, and grand, and this is the worst.

I LOVE THE DICKENS FESTIVAL! Im so excited to go, and the snow is so pretty.
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